Tuesday, 19 January 2010

'Twas the month after Christmas

Gai (the cat) and I are going on a diet so I felt that this poem my Mum sent me kinda sums up how I'm feeling about January!!

Twas the month after Christmas

Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
Not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
at the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
the gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
the wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
and the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, please.'

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt...
I said to myself, as I only can,
'You can't spend a Summer, disguised as a man!'

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore....
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.


LadyFi said...

Oh, that is hilarious!

Carol said...

LadyFi - It made me chortle so I decided to share it :-)

C c

JJ Beattie said...

Fantastic... me too.

Queenie said...

Ouch. Good luck - I hope you and Gai both reach your target weights soon.

Debs said...

Love it, and have to say it certainly struck a cord with how I'm feeling at the moment.

Carol said...

JJ - *Sigh* I want to get all stampy footed about it (actually, would that count as exercise? Might not be such a bad thing!) but alas...it has to be done!

Queenie - I so want to be one of those women that can eat what they want and stay slim....mind you....I would rather be curvy (and I'm being kind on the description) than like Victoria Beckham...cuddling her must be a bit like cuddling a bit of gristle!! (Ok, have now successfully managed to gross myself out!!)

Debs - Hehehe, it's good isn't it!! I think I might actually have to say out loud 'I hate January'

C x

Kitty said...

Carol: That was just so funny, thank you!
Yes, usually I really hate January since it means getting rid of all the pounds I have amassed since Thanksgiving.

However, this year when I stepped upon the dreaded bathroom scales on 1 January 2010 at 9.00 am, I found that I had actually LOST weight over the Holiday period!

Yes, that IS a gloat.

But it actually centred around the fact that my medication was changed so my liver is functioning properly again and I'm losing all the weight I put on over the last four years. It isn't that I have been good or anything, other than giving up almost all alcohol.

(Save for the odd glass of red wine maybe once a month or so. Instead of at every meal... Oh, you think maybe that could be a factor?)

Mark said...

January is a poor month - no cash, no sun and little fun. But hey, spring is round the corner.

HelenMHunt said...

I'm still on the downward trend weightwise, and I still haven't started drinking again. I think the two things are connected.

cheshire wife said...

I laughed at the idea of spending Summer disguised as a man!

sea-blue-sky & abstracts said...

LOL! Love that poem. Reading it makes me feel hungry though. Bye for now, Lesley

Carol said...

Kitty - I'm not jealous....I'm not jealous at all!! (She says going a delicate shade of green!)

I hear your pain on having to give up alcohol! When I was in Thailand and diagnosed with mini me in my liver I had to stop drinking for three months....with one day off for our wedding anniversary!! Imagine telling a Scott that they can't drink....I nearly cried!!

Glad to hear that your liver is functioning properly again :-)

(ps. It was the red wine that got me too...I discovered that people could drink anything else around me but not red wine!!)

Mark - I'm holding onto the fact that in two weeks time I have a weeks holiday...no work, no assignments and no reading (new semester won't have started yet). I plan to paint and potter till my wee hearts content. Can't wait till the end of Jan!! (and it's snowing...again!! *Sigh*)

Helen - I am most impressed at your non alcohol consumption!! You'll find when you start drinking again you'll have two sips and be giggling like a loon!!

Cheshire Wife - Don't laugh...at the moment I am seriously considering it!!

Sea Blue Sky - LOL at the fact that reading it made you hungry!! I don't think that is the effect it's supposed to have :-D

C x

Juniper said...

This poem made me laugh, yes January certainly is a long rather drab month! Enjoy your upcoming break, and break some of those diet rules (if you are following any), life is too short.

French Fancy said...

What a great poem and it sums up just how I am feeling - and looking. I've banished all fattening stuff from the house; now if only I can leave the bread alone

Good luck to us both


Carol said...

Juniper - Oh I plan to enjoy the break...I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to it!!

I'm not really following any plan, I find them too restrictive and the minute I tell myself I can't have something I immediately want it, so I am cutting down on portion size, trying to only eat when I am hungry, adding more vegetables to my diet and cutting down on the wine.

French Fancy - Perhaps I could come to France in the summer and we can both pretend we are men!!

Bread is a difficult one....I love bread!! (and potatoes....and pasta...and chocolate...I'm going to stop there!!)

C x

Pat Posner said...

That's a great poem, Carol
I'm quite enjoying January now the snow and ice have gone.

Carol said...

Pat - It is definitely improving!! (Mind you...I'm not sure it could have got much worse...we were snowed in!!)

C x

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